For lack of better words

She sits in pain from a recent virus oh, her kids cry in the background she wonders what would it be like if she had a spouse that helped. 

normally she overcomes all things thrown at her but illnesses the one time she can't get to her children because she's detained elsewhere. She feels helpless and like a poor mother though she knows she's no. The sounds of her baby crying just caused the illness to feel all the more painful. She wishes it over then quickly says is she just wants to be done with the illness and not to die. She feels silly saying that's because she knows God is good, however life has been so crappy she just can't help but wonder if she didn't say she wanted to live she would die.

she's been oppressed for so long her emotions are mostly anger and bitterness. She loves her children beyond measure otherwise it's hard to love and very hard to trust. 

Daily she was reminded that she is unloved and uncared-for. She know she still has purpose in spite of these things but it does make it challenging. Only God knows her heart only God cares. That's enough.  And she does still long for a sincere word a sincere touch a sincere act of kindness from those who say they love her. She doesn't know if the day will ever come. And so she does what she's called to do, she tries to smile and act as if everything is okay. She doesn't try to be fake, she only tries not to show herself a victim. She knows that angers people when she has"excuses", so she tries to keep it to yes/no answers. She tries not to be asked, in life she is mostly invisible until it comes to needing help four things that she can't help with. Time she can help she's not needed. And it's hard to live not able but excuseless.

It's obvious there's something about her that turns people off. She isn't quite sure what it is. She believes it's her but she hopes it's that God just needs her to not be attached.

For now she will go on existing a servant only. She will go on with her needs not met and unloved. Maybe in time she will know what it feels like before it's too late.  She knows she's replaceable because anybody can find another servant. She doesn't have much time other than to be a servant that's guaranteed always. Rest is not guaranteed, only exhaustion is. Exhausted unloved servant returns back to her business. Smile pretty, comb your hair, stand up straight, don't look sad... you are blessed.

Baby girls bedtime shorts

Something about unicorns mommy...

Let me see....okay...

Once upon a time in a Faraway land there lived two unicorns, their names were Sundance and Rainshine.  Sundance and Rainshine love to run and jump. They were magical unicorns and when they would jump magical dust would fly from them and anything that the dust would touch would turn magical itself. One day Sundance said to Rainshine let us go far away and play all day.
And in an instant a left from the ground and took off for America.

They touchdown in a small town in the Midwest and they played beneath the trees all day. And then a bus came and dropped off children. When the first little girl stepped off the bus Sundance and rainshine left into the air and their magical dust got all over the little girl. The little girl became magical too.

the little girl did not realize she had become magical she did not feel any different. When she got into her home she asked her mommy for some chocolate milk. Her mommy told her she would have to wait a moment. The little girl didn't want to wait and she stated, "I want chocolate milk now. " and when she turned around to leave the room she found a glass of chocolate milk. "Where did this come from?" she asked. Oh well I must have missed it, she thought. as she drink her chocolate milk she realized it was the best chocolate milk she had ever had but she still didn't think anything of it. The little girl sat down in front of the TV and begin to watch the unboxing videos on her favorite channel. A little girl loves what she saw and she said to herself I want an LOL doll.  An LOL doll appeared right before her! Now she began to wonder for sure what was going on? The little girl try it again,"Mommy? Is there anything that you want?" Mommy said, "sure I'd like 425 million dollars." The little girl said to herself I want my mommy to win 425 million dollars. But nothing happened oh, so she tried again. I want 425 million dollars. And instantly stacks of money appeared in a room in their home. and when the mommy saw the money she was scared about where it came from. The little girl reassured her mother by showing her just how it got there. "Mommy watch all I have to do is say what I want and it happens. I want a new bus for my dolls." And a bus appeared. Her mommy was so excited and so her mommy and her went shopping! They bought all kinds of things. When Daddy got home that night he was scared too. "Where did all these things come from? How much money did you spend?" a little girl told her daddy the story and then showed him how it worked. " I want my daddy to have the truck of his dreams." And a truck appeared. Daddy was excited and he went shopping to. The little girl had all the things she ever could have wanted. And Sundance and Rainshine came back to visit because now that the little girl was magical they could be around her. And all her dreams came true. The end, good night

Emergency

The day was well received by Marie.  It was mostly cloudy, the air was crisp and the newness of spring was ever present. Marie and her husband Seth were out for a drive in the country when they saw a compact car ahead of them go off the road near the spillway which was still frozen over. Marie was quick to call for help she then threw the phone to Seth and barely gave him a chance to stop before she was out of the vehicle and heading down the hill of spillway herself. The man in the car was surprisingly still driving near the spillway and in a moment his car jetted out onto the ice. Marie was on the shoreline planning how she would save the man should it come to that. The driver seemed almost unaware of what he had done.  He stumbled out of the vehicle onto the ice like Bambi, he was sliding about and not able to move as he needed to.  In an instant the ice gave way and the car began to sink front end first into the icy cold waters...the driver with it.  He went down quickly as if never to return.  Marie grabbed the only thing she could find to try to save the man, an extension cord from the back of their truck.  She tried and tried to throw it far enough and then Seth grabbed a rock and rapped the cord around it and pitched it to the hole where the car had gone down. As if by miracle the driver was still there, he gave a tug on the extension and Marie and Seth pulled the cord in as steady as they could being careful to not lose the man. The man came to the surface and made his way onto the ice.  He seemed as if the incident had no impact on him, he barely shivered and had no words, he needed no more help he walked toward the shore like a pro. 



Seth had spare clothes in his truck because he often had to stay away from home for work.   He grabbed the clothing and a blanket Marie had left in the truck for emergencies and rushed them to the man.  The man took the clothing and headed to the truck where he changed into them and wrapped himself in the blanket and awaited the police and first responders. Before help arrived the man looked at Seth and Marie and said "Your marriage is like me in my car.  You can be out for a beautiful drive and before you know it, it's of course and in trouble.  It could start sinking and seem like a hopeless cause, If one of you tries you may get close but you won't save it, if you both try you will succeed." Marie began to weep and she looked to Seth who was emotionless,she then looked back to the man and he was gone. She replayed the events and then awoke.  It had all been a dream.  Seth was peacefully sleeping.  Their marriage was still broken and sinking but she knew somehow she had to convince him to join her efforts. 










She began to pray and keep a prayer journal. In time through her efforts Seth joined in the work to save their marriage and in more time they were finally working as a team.  When people ask, "Does God still speak to us in dreams?"  Marie knows in her heart, HE does.